my heart was torn into a million pieces. it wasnt like it all tore at once either. the pieces slithered off slowly, painfully, one at a time. The whole day i was on the edge of my seat with anxiety, confusion, shock, etc. I felt like i had five bricks cemented into my chest and shoulders every time i tried to breathe in and out.
“we just need to talk.” is what i got from you. need to talk? about what? less than twenty four hours before that text was sent you were planning your future around me, my birthday party, prom, and everything else. less than twenty four hours ago you were telling me that you will never leave me. I remember leaving thanksgiving dinner table multiple times because you wouldnt give me an answer. you made me wait the whole day, wallowing in fear. You were the first person i ever truly liked with all the passion inside of me. we were perfect. or i thought we were.
i remember you pulling into my drive at 6 pm. it was raining so hard. you were already and hour later than what you said you would be. i know you did that on purpose. i was freezing. absolutely freezing. you wouldnt even get out of your car. i had to walk to your car and slide in the passenger seat. there was no words spoken. you stayed silent. rooftops by lost prophets was playing on the radio. i started to get out of the car right when you said, “i think we have been faking this feeling that we both “have.” i think we just latched onto each other for support.” then for the next thirty minutes i fought so hard for you. i put every ounce of determination and love trying to convince you otherwise cause i knew for myself that i didnt fake a single thing. you couldnt even look at me. you saw the pain in my eyes. you could practically hear my heart breaking. but nothing was done about it.
you left me there. and then had the nerve to text me an hour later asking for your hoodies cause you are going to your moms and you dont want to be cold. so i gathered up all those hoodies and brought them to you. you didnt say a word. i went to leave and i remember just leaning against the garage and crying so hard. i couldnt stand up. i didnt care that it was raining. i didnt care that it was freezing. and i KNOW you saw me laying there. your headlights beamed in my eyes. you saw me there. and you just drove off. and while sitting there, i thought to myself that id never be happy again. i thought that you were the only one to make me happy. i wasnt in love with you, but you still broke my heart.
a year later.
here i am. and its a beautiful day. absolutely beautiful day. that day and the months following, i didnt think id make it through the year. when i found out the real reason was cause you cheated on me with katty, i for sure thought id never be capable of loving anyone. heck, if i was super happy with you and i had no trust issues, but i still wasnt in love with you; how the heck was i gonna love someone else with these scars? its been 365 days. i am the happiest i have ever been. I have my bestfriends to sorround myself with when i come home. I know which family members i need to keep in my life, and which ones i dont. i am with a guy that appreciates seeing me every time that he sees me. a guy that actually likes me. now, i aint in love with the boy, but i plan on sticking around for quite a bit of time. and apparently he does too.
“we just need to talk.” is what i got from you. need to talk? about what? less than twenty four hours before that text was sent you were planning your future around me, my birthday party, prom, and everything else. less than twenty four hours ago you were telling me that you will never leave me. I remember leaving thanksgiving dinner table multiple times because you wouldnt give me an answer. you made me wait the whole day, wallowing in fear. You were the first person i ever truly liked with all the passion inside of me. we were perfect. or i thought we were.
i remember you pulling into my drive at 6 pm. it was raining so hard. you were already and hour later than what you said you would be. i know you did that on purpose. i was freezing. absolutely freezing. you wouldnt even get out of your car. i had to walk to your car and slide in the passenger seat. there was no words spoken. you stayed silent. rooftops by lost prophets was playing on the radio. i started to get out of the car right when you said, “i think we have been faking this feeling that we both “have.” i think we just latched onto each other for support.” then for the next thirty minutes i fought so hard for you. i put every ounce of determination and love trying to convince you otherwise cause i knew for myself that i didnt fake a single thing. you couldnt even look at me. you saw the pain in my eyes. you could practically hear my heart breaking. but nothing was done about it.
you left me there. and then had the nerve to text me an hour later asking for your hoodies cause you are going to your moms and you dont want to be cold. so i gathered up all those hoodies and brought them to you. you didnt say a word. i went to leave and i remember just leaning against the garage and crying so hard. i couldnt stand up. i didnt care that it was raining. i didnt care that it was freezing. and i KNOW you saw me laying there. your headlights beamed in my eyes. you saw me there. and you just drove off. and while sitting there, i thought to myself that id never be happy again. i thought that you were the only one to make me happy. i wasnt in love with you, but you still broke my heart.
a year later.
here i am. and its a beautiful day. absolutely beautiful day. that day and the months following, i didnt think id make it through the year. when i found out the real reason was cause you cheated on me with katty, i for sure thought id never be capable of loving anyone. heck, if i was super happy with you and i had no trust issues, but i still wasnt in love with you; how the heck was i gonna love someone else with these scars? its been 365 days. i am the happiest i have ever been. I have my bestfriends to sorround myself with when i come home. I know which family members i need to keep in my life, and which ones i dont. i am with a guy that appreciates seeing me every time that he sees me. a guy that actually likes me. now, i aint in love with the boy, but i plan on sticking around for quite a bit of time. and apparently he does too.
so if you are reading this and you are in the break up phase, period, etc. and you think that you will never make it out alive. please believe me when i say that you will. give it a month. you will already see progress. occupy yourself with people that LOVE you. not random boys to fill your weekend plans with. (trust me on that one.) love yourself. every part. because i promise you that a year from now you will be so much stronger.
i guess the whole point of this message was to tell you all that i made it.
i finally made it.
i finally made it.
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